Facing the rain and licking my wounds...

So, just in case I've been painting too pretty a picture of sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, I have to admit that we had a little rain fall earlier this week.

Before I share, I want to point out that, not only did I expect these things to happen, but they are completely normal for a child coming from Nastya's background. On top of everything else, she must still feel like she's landed on Mars sometimes...everything is still so very new for her...I wish I had even half the resilience that she has!

We were told in our training that it would be very likely that we would experience some pouting from our host child from time to time. Most of these kids only know how to deal with adults as authority figures and so when told "no" about something, they will sometimes retreat and pout. We have experienced this a few times with Nastya and it is so hard. She is normally a vivacious, energetic, and silly girl and to see her face go blank and have her retreat has been very difficult to watch.

This is where Greg and I have had to have a thick skin and make sure that we are making ourselves available to her. So far we have given her a few minutes, but then gone in to comfort her. We explain why we said no, address the disappointment, and then invite her to come join in whatever it is we are doing as a family. Lucky for us these pouting sessions don't last long and she seems to understand that we are setting boundaries in order to have fun. I hope that eventually she will see that this is what loving parents do.

My favorite pouty moment so far was when she wanted me to french braid her hair the other morning (which I haven't done since I had Barbie dolls...what...30 years ago?) and I did a sloppy job of it. She ripped the braiding out and pouted all the way out the door and into the car. I was staying home that morning with Trevor who was sick so I had a chance to lick my wounds. Truly, it had to be disappointing for her...she is a comparative master at working with her hands! I was able to sit down with her when she got home and I typed into Google Translate: "You are trying hard to learn English; I will try hard to learn to braid." I got a big smile out of that one...I think we've got a deal!

She's also been experiencing a little homesickness which makes me so sad for her. We let the kids exchange their gifts to each other on Christmas Eve and when she opened up her gift from Samantha she ran up to her room. I found her in bed crying. I asked if we had made her sad and she shook her head no. I said "are you feeling homesick?" and she nodded and said "sisters". Poor girl. She has several siblings back home...of course she misses them!

At this point I was crying too so I told her it was OK to cry and then we prayed together that God would comfort both her and her sisters while they were apart. She seemed a little down in the dumps the rest of the evening but we just took things easy and muddled through. By the next morning she was back to her usual peppy self and has been doing well since then.

As tough as these experiences have been, I am so glad for them. Many of these kids don't feel like they can show emotion and I was relieved to see her shedding tears and giving in to what she was feeling. I was thankful for the opportunity to pray together. And I'm glad she is testing us because it gives us a chance to show her unconditional love. It also means that she is comfortable enough with us to try and be a normal kid while she is here. She really is fantastic!

And guess what? We are still having fun:

* Every day she asks us to "skate? skate?" She loves it and after that first day of falling has been doing an awesome job on her own!



...still skating!

We are...














 





The whole bunch of 'em

* Shopping for gifts. This girl is incredibly generous. When I suggested we go shopping to get some gifts for Sam and Trevor she was thrilled. She never once asked for anything for herself but just loaded the basket with things that were perfect for them.





      Hitting the Target $1 bins

Exhanging gifts on Christmas Eve

* Enjoying a few gifts of her own: Our tradition is to give three gifts to our kids (to commemorate the three gifts the wisemen brought to the newborn king) so we got her a friendship bracelet maker, a Jesus Storybook Bible in Russian, and a Wildlife Storyteller (a stuffed animal which has a solar chargeable MP3 player inside with a pre-recorded story of Jesus's life) which she has been listening to everyday!



Sitting with her Christmas goodies



Playing the Disney Dance game on the Wii



* Later on Christmas Day we sat down as a family and watched the Story of Jesus for Children. This is an excellent film that teaches about the life and death of Jesus in a way that kids can understand. It has been translated into every possible language worldwide so my awesome tech guy (aka Greg) was able to cue up the laptop to run it simultaneously in Ukrainian so that Nastya could sit with us and watch with her headphones on. It was a great way for us to have a family discussion about the significance of Christ's birth and all three kids were clearly moved by it. Nastya said she had seen it before and it syncs well with what is on her Wildlife Storyteller recording so I am hoping to have more discussion with her about this in the coming weeks.



Watching the Story of Jesus for Children together

* And we finally finished and hung our "blessing" ornaments for our tree. Each one represents those of you who helped to fulfill our dream of bringing Nastya to America. Nastya added the bow at the top...probably because she thought it would look pretty, but how fitting that those of you represented on this tree have given us the best Christmas gift ever. With 2013 just around the corner, I pray that God brings your blessings back to you and multiplies them in the coming year!

Tree of Blessings

Still busy, but still good...

It's hard to believe Nastya has only been here for six days...it feels like we've known her much longer. She is completely loveable, persistent, yet compliant when told "no" about anything (which rarely has to happen), great with my two kids who absolutely adore her, and very responsible.



This girl has very clever fingers

Prior to her arrival, I did a lot of reading and preparation to help me understand how to help her to be more connected. Many kids who grow up in institutions don't bond well, don't have a well developed playfulness, are fearful or defiant. I'm not naive enough to believe we won't have some boundaries tested in the next three weeks, but Nastya is bunking all the stereotypes so far.

The unexpected reality I'm facing is that she is causing ME to be more connected...to my kids, to all of you, and especially to God. I have been praying more than ever now that she is here. Even though she is a fantastic kid, being a host parent is tough. Every day I run the gamut of emotions. And if I didn't completely have unconditional love nailed down with my own kids, I'm getting a good grip on it now.

I'm also being forced to be way more intentional in my parenting than I have in a while. I'm realizing how I have had the tendency to overload our schedule and I have been missing out on quality time with our kids. It has been so fun to see all three of the kids (and, let's be honest, the two adults) blossom with her here. The pace has been frantic, but look at all the fun we're having!

Here are the highlights for this past weekend:



Looking for goldbug

More Mail! Thanks M...











* The girls got dressed up to go to a musical/interactive media show about Christmas called Winter's Dream produced by Christ's Church of the Valley. It was a great show and the girls looked so cute. Prior to the show we were able to go to dinner at Souplantation with our friends the Beckers and their host kids Nataliya and Vitaly. This was great timing because Nastya had asked the night before to call her caregiver at the boarding school back home...she was feeling a little homesick. Talking to N and V seemed to really perk her up!



Posing



My little ballerinas 

 

Souplantation with the Beckers and their host kiddos

 

* Sunday we went to church with our friends, the Cash's, and got a pic of us all dressed up. Afterwards we went to their house for brunch. Nastya seemed to be feeling insecure with all the unfamiliar faces (understandably) and we were considering taking her home but then she said she wanted to go out and use their rope swing and that seemed to break the ice for her. She went on to try her hand a cookie decorating with the rest of the kids. Everyone was so nice and made her feel welcome. Hooray for good friends!

All dressed for church

 



Trying out the rope swing

Cookie Decorating





Goofing off with the family

*That night we had Greg's parents and Uncle Johnny over for dinner. She really warmed up to them and it was a fun night. 

Crazy bubble bath time!

* At bedtime I asked her if she'd like to take a bubble bath (she's only taken showers so far). She said yes, and the pic above pretty much says it all. Right after this shot she started splashing around and throwing bubbles all over the place. The floor was flooded, but it was worth it to see her having a blast. Next time she wants Samantha and Trevor to join her so we'll have to bust out the bathing suits and make that happen soon.

We've had many more adventures (and a couple of misadventures) in the past couple of days, but those will have to wait for my next blog entry. Stay tuned and I'll try to make that happen soon!

What to expect when you're expecting...from the Ukraine


One of the previous host parents likened hosting to the experience of having a new baby in the house. I have to admit I was skeptical that it would be that intense, but the description is pretty spot on. A beautiful, new little person comes abruptly on the scene. There are so many things to get to know about her; so many things that are unfamiliar. You forget to eat, your sleep schedule is off, and you wouldn't trade it for the world.
Yesterday (Friday) was another fabulous day, but I am exhausted. Highlights from yesterday include:

*Ornament decoration. (We are making foam ornaments and putting the names of all those who donated to make Nastya's trip possible on them. It's a work in progress but we got a lot done.) I'm pretty sure there is some glitter that is now a permanent part of my dining room carpet, but look at that face...worth it!



Making Foam Ornaments











 *Playtime at the park. She was loving the slides and it was just dry enough out that we got some good static hair experiences from the friction. She also started a game with us "my name is" and we would take turns filling in the blanks with english words. Who says learning can't be fun?




Static electricity!





*You've got mail! I can definitely say that she was not expecting this. As I handed her three letters with her name on them, she looked bewildered. But she did start tearing into them before we made it back home. She loved the stickers and is looking forward to meeting my sister's dog Baxter!

Her First Mail Haul

 



Checking the Mail
















*Trying rollerblading for the first time. Wow! She was falling all over the place. I learned the hard way that you don't stand directly behind someone who is blading for the first time and I have a huge bruise on my shin to show for it...doh! However she loved it and I had to eventually tell her that even though she wasn't tired (whatever) that I needed a break. I know she would have kept going until her legs literally gave out! She is tenacious and not afraid to keep trying, that's for sure.




All suited up and ready to roll



Rollerblading...and falling...a lot (I need some Icy Hot!)



*Crafts with Greg and the kids. After dinner, Nastya found some construction paper in our craft cupboard and looked very excited about it. She started cutting away and Greg asked if he could help.


Cool paper crafts with Greg and the kids


















 

This beautiful star (made by a beautiful star) 
is now hanging in our dining room

*Kids bunk up together. It was bound to happen. These three are as thick as thieves already and they wanted to sleep in the same bed. We compromised and let them sleep in the same room at least. They were so tired, they were out immediately. I know the feeling you crazy kids! And you'd better not wake me up at the crack of dawn again tomorrow (wishful thinking...)



Slumber party!

What a day!

I...am...so...tired! But in a very good way. It feels so natural having Nastya here and she is already fitting right in. She is a joyful and sweet girl who is quick to laugh and has been excited to do just about anything offered to her.

We started the morning pretty early, I with my coffee and she with her "flakes" as she indicated on Google Translate (thank goodness I had corn flakes on hand for my holiday cookies...don't normally stock those!)

When Samantha woke up, Nastya types in "What's up Samantha?" I'm surprised we still got Sam to school on time with all the "chatting" they had going on. Trevor woke up soon after and, with hair sticking up all over as always, started his morning of goof-ball entertainment which had her giggling all over again.

After dropping Sam to school, T and N had the morning to hang out. We baked cookies (I should say Nastya baked cookies...she was a pro), they covered my fridge in magnets, and colored on white and chalkboards. They explored Trevor's room and we discovered she is very afraid of snakes (so I now have about twenty rubber snakes in a box in my room). She also swept T and I (beginner's luck!) on a boardgame that we played. Super fun morning. 

Cookie making pro!

Snuggle time (watching Wonder Pets)



 

I was so glad my Mom came over to lend a hand. She picked Sam up from school and then watched Trevor while he napped and the girls and I paid a visit to Kohl's. (It turns out Nastya is about right on track for her age...some size 8's I had fit, but some of the things I had were too small and we needed 10's!)We went a little crazy over there, but got Nastya several nice things and the girls got matching dresses...cute! N is a little fashionista and modeled all of her clothes for Mom and I when we got back. She then proceeded to try on every one of Samantha's costumes and play dresses. It was neat to see her having so much fun!


Fashionistas!



She is so sweet with S & T.

They wanted matching dresses...






















I had suspected earlier in the day that she understood more English than she was letting on and when we left Kohl's (and she was on a high from our shopping spree) she started busting out all kinds of English..."stop" as she pointed to the stop sign, "mom", "dad", "sister", "brother", "grandmother", etc. in rapid fire. I was quick to let her know that her English was very good. I think we will be hearing more from little miss in the coming weeks!

She was visibly tired this evening (almost passed out at dinner) but every time I asked her about it (which was frequent through the afternoon and evening), she insisted that she was not. She didn't want the fun to end. The whole family piled up on her top bunk tonight before bed and looked at one of those "seek and find" books. Then we read one of the English/Russian storybooks I had bought. I'm not convinced she can read Russian, but I think she enjoyed the family time and having us all there. She went right to sleep after that.

There is so much more I want to share, but I'm beat and I have to get my sleep so I can whoop it up again tomorrow. I'll have all three kids at home so it will definitely be a party! Here's the highlight reel from today:

* I translate "do you want to go look at the clothes in your closet?" and it comes out as "do you want to go look at the clothes in the toilet?" Laughter ensues.
* She takes the longest shower ever. When she comes out she's clean, but also hands me her freshly washed clothes.
* Eats very little all day until I make a special cucumber, tomato and onion salad with sour cream (popular in Ukraine)  for lunch. She takes the bowl and entire container of sour cream to the table with her and eats like it's been days!
* She tells me she has a loose tooth early in the day. Late in the afternoon she bites into a banana and out it comes!

She's here!!




Anxiously awaiting...




 

Welcome Nastya!



Stonicks: Party of 5!




 
 


The whole LAX Ukraine hosting crowd and their kiddos!


 

Well, she's here and she's just precious. She smiled and walked confidently up to us and after hugging each of us said "my name is Nastya". For those that have asked, I can now confirm, she pronounces it with a soft first "a" and the emphasis on the last syllable. Nah-styah.

Trevor immediately started up with his crazy antics in the car and had her giggling. Then about half way home she completely knocked out (even though she said she wasn't tired)...can't blame her! She suited up in jammies and went to bed soon after we got home and I haven't heard a peep since. Looking forward to what tomorrow brings...
 

Tonight's the night! Well, actually tomorrow's the morning...

Wow. It seems like we've been counting down and anticipating this forever, but we are finally here...sort of. Nastya's flight from Kiev to JFK was delayed for almost two hours and so she missed her connection in New York and had to be re-routed to a later flight. So now we are picking her up in the wee hours of the morning tomorrow. She is going to be exhausted!

We had previously made the decision to not bring our kiddos with us and, while I'm going to be sorry to not have that family shot at the airport, I think it will be best for all of the kids this way. Sam and Trevor still have two more days of school before break and Trevor has a special concert at his school tomorrow morning that we didn't want him to miss. For those of you who know my kids well, you also know that Trevor would be overtired and running around the aiport doing flips off the luggage carousel and Samantha would be talking Nastya's tired ears off for the entire drive home (so we have two more good reasons for our decision)!

We did want the kids to be involved in her arrival so they helped make her welcome sign:


The master of the gluestick...

I will make scrapbookers out of them yet!




Welcome Nastya! (top line is welcome in Ukrainian, bottom is Russian...
thanks Anna for the translation help!)


And they helped pack up a welcome bag for her:



Sweet Samantha made the bracelet for her and helped pick out a snuggly blanket


Some of our host families live hours away from their nearest airport so I am thankful that we have less than an hour's drive to get her home. I'm sure it will be a relief for her to finally lay her head down in bed! So many questions are about to be answered and I'm sure they will be followed by many more. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time...can't believe that she's almost here!

A long road ahead...

It's 9:24pm in Ukraine right now and Nastya is getting ready for a long trip.

I'm not sure about all the details (and I'm really bad at calculating flight time...over several different time zones... spanning two days) but I am assuming that she will be traveling by train to the airport in which case she has a very long 9 hour trip at the start of her journey. After that, she will get on a plane and fly for another 9 hours before landing in New York. Then, after a 2 1/2 hour layover she will get on a plane once again and fly for 5 more hours. All told, she will be traveling between 25 and 30 hours (my best guess) to get here.

This is a rigorous travel schedule even for the most seasoned business traveler and I'm pretty sure she's never been on a plane before! She's also very likely traveling with very few personal belongings which means that, aside from sleeping and possibly talking to the four other kids or the chaperone on her flight (assuming they are sitting near one another) she doesn't have much to do. I can't imagine it for myself, let alone for a 10 year old girl! If we weren't already amazed at the resilience that these kids have, now is the time to let it really sink in.

So today I am praying extra prayers for health, safety and endurance for her over the next two days. Will you join me? God has heard our prayers so far and I know He will make her as comforatable as possible until she can be here with us and spoiled appropriately. Can't wait!

Jealousy and Generosity

One of the things that has been shared with us as a reality of hosting is that we might experience some jealousy...either from Samantha and Trevor over attention given to Nastya, or commonly even the other way around as Nastya bonds with us.

We are not naive in thinking that this won't happen, but so far Samantha and Trevor have both had seemingly generous perspectives on Nastya's visit and have randomly brought up aspects of her visit without me even prompting them. They've talked about toys and activities they can share with her. They've had some great ideas for games we can play. Samantha mentioned that while Nastya might not appreciate our usual kids' shows (due to her not understanding English) that maybe she would enjoy the show "Signing Time" since it teaches single words and the ASL equivalents of them (brilliant!) I guess in a couple of days we will find out!

Speaking of generosity, my first reaction in anticipating Nastya's visit was to think of all the gifts and "things" we could shower upon her. After all, this is a child who has grown up with virtually nothing and we have so much! And while we have definitely bought some things for her and are looking forward to giving her some gifts, I have also been thinking of ways to give her the gift of "giving".

To speak to this I have another quote to share from Alex Krutov's book: Infinitely More. You may remember from an earlier post that Alex was a Russian orphan who grew up in the orphanage system in the 90s. Here is what he had to say about his mentality as an orphan:

"There is a phenomenon with orphans, at least for those who grew up in an orphanage, that goes contrary to expectations: a sense of entitlement that comes from years of someone else providing for you. Never mind that their core needs of love and affection were never met, or that their provisions were secondhand, ill-fitting clothing and shoes, or that their showers were cold. Their perceived needs were always met by someone else - and not anyone close to them either, but by an impersonal 'them' (Infinitely More p180)". He goes on to say that this mentality is crippling to the kids once they are on thier own (usually at 16) and have to fend for themselves.

So, aside from the obvious gifts and activities that we will shower on Nastya while she is here, I am also determined to find some area where we can serve together during her visit (and I know it is equally important for my kids to have this experience!) It shouldn't be hard to do since it will be Christmas time, but I hope that we will be able to find a meaningful way to introduce her to the concept of "giving" if she hasn't already had that opportunity. If any of you have any good ideas, I would love to hear them!

Tying Up Loose Ends

Nastya is arriving in less than four days and I owe you all a major update. I've had a bunch of answered prayers happen here, big and small, and I haven't yet shared them. I also want to take the opportunity to thank you all again for your donations and to attest to just how well God has provided for us. Perhaps a little good news is in order to help comfort our hurting hearts?

First of all, a big one: an update on Nastya's medical care. I was finally able to schedule an appointment with Childrens Hospital Los Angeles' Orthopedic Center. They are providing us with a consultation, x-rays and, assuming that Nastya's leg length discrepancy can be treated with a simple shoe lift, a free shoe modification (which they will turn around on-site for us in 24 hours). All of this is FREE of charge...yahoo!

The only catch is that the best available appointment was January 7th which is only a week before she leaves. I'd appreciate prayers that everything will work out and we will have enough time to have her adequately treated. I was hoping to get a second hospital on the hook...just in case...but wasn't able to make that happen, so I am trusting that we've done the best we could at this point.

I have another medicaI update. I asked my eye doctor if she would be able to see Nastya to which she replied "of course, bring her in!" Then, as we were talking about the program and the fact that I also have to get Nastya a dental visit while she's here, Dr. Patel busts out with "I have a brother who's a dentist!" She has since contacted him and given me his number if I need it. How cool is that?!

I already have my kids' dentist on the hook for the initial check up and x-rays, but just in case Nastya needs 14 cavaties filled (as some of the previous host families have experienced) it is nice to know that I have a couple of dentists to share the workload. (I'm going to do everything I can to get her taken care of here because if she is treated back home, it will be WITHOUT novocaine...ugh.)

Then there are all the donations that have poured in:



Aquarium tix! 

* I received the Aquarium of the Pacific tickets I requested...yay!

* A sweet friend has a connection who can get us into Disneyland!

* We've had the equivalent of three large trash bags of beautiful clothes donated.



A great start on clothes!



(We just need a few pair of pants, a few more long sleeved shirts, and a couple of pair of shoes and she should be set.)

* Another dear friend gifted an Old Navy card to Nastya so we will be able to make a dent in that list!

* I found an inexpensive suitcase at Ross that fit the specs perfectly...it was the only one that size and it was the cheapest one there...just waiting for us!

The perfect suitcase

* We received a final check from another friend after our hosting fees were already paid so I splurged and bought her these:


Rollerblading was one of only three things she requested to do while here!

* And look what I found at the local thrift store on Wednesday for only $3...yahoo! (FYI - helmets cost almost as much as the blades so this was a steal!):


Practically brand new!

As you can see, we have been extremely blessed in our preparations. We very much appreciate those of you who have made physical donations to Nastya and for those of you who have been praying for us...it's working...keep it up!

In closing I want to share with you the words from one of my favorite hymns (taken from Psalm 23):

My Shepherd will supply my need:
Jehovah is His Name;
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wandering spirit back
When I forsake His ways,
And leads me, for His mercy’s sake,
In paths of truth and grace.
When I walk through the shades of death
Thy presence is my stay;
One word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.
Thy hand, in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread;
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.
The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days;
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger, nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir has a beautiful version on their you tube channel if you're interested in hearing it.